What do I need to know today?

Feeling in need of some advice, I got on facade.com to draw a single tarot card for a little bit of divine guidance.
And goddamn, it was so accurate and brought so much reassurance that I'm ok, right where I'm at. This is what it showed me:

The Star

Star Tarot Story

On the bleak landscape where the Tower stood, the Fool sits, empty, despairing. He hoped to find direction on this spiritual journey, a path to his spiritual self, but having just learned that most of his life was a lie, he now feels lost. Sitting on the cold stones, he gazes up at the night sky wishing for some kind of guide. And that is when he notices, nearby, a beautiful girl with two water urns. As he watches, she kneels by a pool of water illuminated with reflected starlight. She empties the urns, one into the pool, one onto the thirsty ground.

"What are you doing," he asks her. She looks up at him, her eyes twinkling like stars. "I am refilling this pool, so that those who are thirsty may drink, and I am also watering the earth so that more fruit trees will grow to feed those who are hungry." She nods back to a single fruit tree that stands nearby, a nightingale singing amid its branches.

"Come," she invites. "Sate your hunger and quench your thirst."

The Fool plucks some fruit from the tree, then kneels by her and drinks from the pool. The water tastes wonderful, like liquid starlight, and the fruit is equally delicious. Both help to heal his wounded heart.

Having quenched his thirst and sated his hunger, the Fool lays back to gaze up at the stars. "They're so beautiful," he said, "but so distant."

"Like possible futures," agrees the girl. "Cool and distant. Yet if you keep one in sight, it can guide you to your destination no matter how far away it is." Even as she says this, she began to fade away, like dew, vanishing. All that remains is a gleam that was at the center of her forehead. This rises up and up, until it settles in the night sky as a shining star. "Follow your star," the woman's voice seems to sing from that light, "and have hope."

The Fool takes in a breath and rises. It is a dark night, a desolate land. But for the first time, he has a guiding light to show him the way. Distant as it is, it restores his faith.


Star Tarot Card Meaning

With Aquarius as its ruling sign, The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing, even unexpected help to offer us sustenance in bleak times.

Thus, the card says that there is aid and assistance out there to help us though hard times, like organizations that offer food and shelter in the wake of a terrible flood or fire. This assistance might, to us, be a friend or counselor, an uplifting book or music, anything that appears in our life and heals our wounded spirit. More, the card tells us that we can achieve what we most want to achieve, like flood or fire victims wanting to rebuild. This future, however, won't be growing to full size overnight like Jack's Beanstalk. It will take time and we must not lose sight of it.

This may seem like cold comfort. No one wants to hear that the person they're interested is not interested in them, but will be in the future. Or that they will not succeed today, but will later on in their life. Still, it is there, a glimmer of light in the darkness. The question is, do we feel it's worth waiting for or not?

That is the question the Star makes us ask ourselves: What do we want bad enough that we will go the distance for it? The answer will tell us as much about what we are as what we could be.

Thirteen's Observations on the Star

The Star is one of those cards that almost everyone loves. It is often the most beautiful card in the deck and its image suggests the peace and harmony of its meaning.

While this card offers hope and possibilities, however, the reader must remember that these are in the distance. Only a time of healing and peace, like the oasis of water before the Star, are in the now. Like Aquarius, the card's vision is for tomorrow. This means that if the querent is seeking love, a career, fame, wealth or even spiritual enlightenment, they can only be told that it is a possibility. It is not going to happen anytime soon. But if, like a ship navigating its way, they keep the star in their sights, they will eventually reach that other land they're seeking.

The Star offers no guarantees, of course, that the traveler won't tire and give up or be lured in another direction. And there is no telling what obstacles they'll encounter along the way. All the Star promises is that a particular future can exist.

The Star offers peace and healing and a glimpse of the future. It is up to the querent to decide if they are willing to go after that future, no matter how long it may take them to get there.

Goodbye Friend

 Relationships are hard. And confusing. 
And breaking up is even harder. 
I don't know what to say about it. I don't know what I want to share. It's not something I've talked about with a lot of people and not something most people approved of. 
I don't even know what made me think that starting up a relationship so soon was a good idea anyways. But it happened so fast, and I got carried away in it. And it seemed so great in the beginning. Maybe too good to be true? 

So I fell in love with this boy. And it very recently came to a very ugly end.

I met this boy at the very end of my relationship with Brandon. When I knew it was already over. And right away, we had this magical connection. I could look him in the eyes and knew exactly what he was thinking, what he was feeling. We were so much alike that understanding each other came so naturally. And we were both such passionate people, both leading with our hearts that we just ran with whatever we had. He made me feel like a queen. He made me feel empowered and loved. He wasn't afraid to talk about his emotions and cared about what I was feeling. He was everything I thought I was looking for.
The only problem was, he lived 6 hours away. 
In the beginning it was ok. We texted, snap-chatted, and face-timed. Sometimes we would have misunderstandings but we were quick to talk them out and clear it up. 
But the closer we became, the deeper we delved into each other, the harder it was to go so long with out seeing each other. Our misunderstandings snowballed into full blown arguments. And the distance began tearing us apart. We tried to create this plan for this future where we both ended up together but it was never really a solid one. And without some reassurance, I think we both started losing faith in the actuality that someday we would ever be together. 
I fell for him, really hard. I opened myself up to him in ways I never would have imagined. And part of me wants to regret it, part of me is so angry at myself for it because things turned out so badly. We kept hurting each other over and over. The more we tried to work things out, the worse it became. The wounds just kept getting deeper and deeper. 
I think the worst part is that we still love each other. So much. But the timing is terrible. We're both stuck with responsibilities and a stubbornness that makes it impossible for either of us to sacrifice too much for the other. 
Because I'm still recovering from my last relationship. He's still recovering from his last relationship. And I think that the reality is that neither of us are ready to be in this current one. 
But neither of us can let go. Neither of us can move forward. So we hold on. We keep getting back together thinking that maybe, maybe this time it will be different, maybe this time we can work it out. But we just keep hurting each other over and over, and slowly (but surely) killing our love. And I think that's what hurts the most. 
What do you do? How do you move on? How do you accept what is even though it totally and completely sucks? How do you accept what you can't change even if you wanted to? 
I didn't mean to end up back in this place. But here I am. Alone and heartbroken. Sometimes I'm ok. Everything else in my life is going pretty darn good so there's a silver lining to the pain. But sometimes it gets hard to breathe and my chest feels like it's going to collapse in on itself and my eyes leak uncontrollably. And I just completely fall to pieces. 
It's different this time though. I mean, it was a pretty short lived relationship compared to my last one so I wasn't as fully involved in his life. But I don't feel lost like the last time. I know who I am. I know who I want to be. Unfortunately things didn't work out. And it's really fucking sad. But at least I've got myself. At least I still love myself. 

I'm just stuck in this place of holding my ground, respecting myself and my needs and then like how much do I give to make something work? How much do I sacrifice before I start lose myself again? How do you find the balance? And find a relationship where you don't have to give up yourself to your love. Or is that what you're supposed to do? 
I don't even know. 
Ugh. 
Relationships are hard. And confusing. 

DIY // Face Mask

You know those under-the-skin pimples? Those really annoying ones that you can feel coming but no matter what you do, there's no stopping them and they just seem to get bigger and more painful and despite your efforts and experimentation with every possible remedy you can find on the internet, they just WON'T GO AWAY?! 
Hi. That's me currently. 
But I tried this little mask concoction and it has helped so much! I love that I could just whip it up without having to buy extra ingredients, because it is full of things most people already have in their kitchen. And while it's definitely not a miracle solution, it has steadily and recognizably diminished all of the acne I have been experiencing lately (stress acne, ugh) 

So don't laugh at my botched looking mask job. It's great for spot solutions and for some reason, these are my problem areas. Also, I know it looks kinda gross. Eliza and my dad remind me every time I'm seen walking around with it. I'm aware, thanks! 

Anyways, here's my little mix. 

This small amount has lasted me about 4 days (2-3 applications per day on my trouble spots). Also, I should note that a little goes a long way! And you don't want to put it on too thick because it'll start sliding down your face! Honey is slick like that. 

1/4 tsp cinnamon  1/4 tsp nutmeg  1/4 tsp turmeric  1/4 tsp sea salt 1 tsp honey (more of less for desired consistency) 
-Mix dry ingredients together in cute jar and add honey until it reaches desired consistency. I personally just added the honey until I could actually mix it properly.
-You can leave it on really however long you like. Sometimes I only have time for a 20 minute application but sometimes I'll just leave it on for like an hour or two. Totally up to you. None of these ingredients are particularly irritating (at least not that I've noticed) so it's pretty harmless to leave on for extended periods of time. 


Here is a little research on the benefits of each of these common, house-hold ingredients: 
Honey // Natural antibiotic (great for bacteria causing acne), has an osmotic effect; it absorbs water in the wound and releases hydrogen peroxide, a great antiseptic which kills bacteria and clears acne,  it's acidity prevents bacteria growth and anti-inflammatory properties reduce redness associated with acne, it's rich in natural antioxidants which prevent damage caused by free radicals, honey's sticky consistency pulls out dirt and grime, It is a natural probiotic and antibacterial properties of raw honey effectively reduce breakouts and prevent new acne formation, honey removes excess oil and leaves skin smooth and moisturized.
(source)
Cinnamon // Cinnamon is rich in cinnamaldehyde, one of its main constituents, along with eugenol, methyl chavicol, linalool, beta-caryophyllene and roughage or fiber. The components in cinnamon oil, particularly cinnamaldehyde, eugenol and methyl chavicol have great antimicrobial properties and eliminate microbial infection in acne, while the coarse granules and fiber in cinnamon powder facilitates exfoliation. This combination of characteristics, along with the benefits of honey which we’re already explained make for a great acne treatment.
(source) 
Nutmeg // Nutmeg contains several potent substances, one of which is mace or Myristica fragrans. A study published in the Journal of Natural Products found that mace "exhibited strong antifungal and antibacterial activities." Ayurvedic medicine promotes nutmeg for its astringent and anti-inflammatory properties; in fact, it's traditionally been used to treat eczema and other skin conditions. Like honey, nutmeg can reduce the infection and swelling around your clogged pores, resulting in smaller spots and smoother scars.
(source)
Turmeric // can destroy the P.acnes bacteria that cause inflammation and remove excessive oil from the skin. Turmeric possesses anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory properties, which are both beneficial in treating acne.
(source) 
Sea Salt (because doesn't your skin always feel great after a day at the beach?!) // an incredibly powerful acne medication that works by cleansing the cells and killing bacteria while also promoting healthy pH levels in the skin.
(source) 
Other things you can add (that I plan on experimenting with):  Essential oils (lavender, tea tree, clove)  Clove Powder  Clay (bentonite, rhassoul, etc) 

DIY // Purple Hair

So in case you didn't know, my favorite color is purple. And for the longest time, I've been wanting to dye my hair purple. Buuuuut that involves bleaching and I was just sooo enjoying my natural hair color for a while. I mean it had been like a decade since I've had 100% completely natural hair color. And even then, it was a really weird, mousy brown. But then pregnancy came along and my hair went through some really strange stuff. And when it finally balanced out again, it was just too good to mess with. 
But then I got the itch again. So I went for it! And I looOoooOOOoove it. Yay (: 
I used a few of the tutorials I have done in the past regarding bleaching plus did a little extra research (which is all at the bottom of this post). For future reference (mostly for myself), I took notes and lots of pictures. It's been a while since I've played with this stuff but I'm *pretty pleased* with the results. And now I have purple hair! So score! Here is what I used and did:    // Hair Dying Supplies //

- Clairol Professionals Pure White Creme Developer (I got 30 volume for the bleach because I have dark hair and 20 volume for the toner) - Kaleidocolors Tonal Powder Lightener (I use the purple to even out the red in my hair) - Wella T-18 Lightest Ash Blonde Toner  - Manic Panic Purple Haze Dye 

- Coconut Oil. This is the brand I use for like everything. Love it. 

-  -Other Random Stuff // Shampoo, brush, ponytail holder and bobby pins, clips, mixing bowl, mixing wand, brush applicator, plastic cap, foil. 

- I ripped my foil about 6" wide and used probably 20 pieces. 

Here is a last look at my hair as a complete brunette!! 

Now on to the fun part. 

So in doing my research on how to go from brown to purple, I learned about using coconut oil to protect your hair a bit from the bleach. I tested it out and definitely think it helped keep my hair moisturized and not as brittle as it most likely would be. I highly recommend doing this but it is completely optional: 
- Lather your hair up with coconut oil! But I only applied it where I planned on bleaching my hair. And I especially stayed away from getting it too close to my roots. Because from personal experience, I have learned that it is quite difficult (for me at least) to get that out. 
- Leave in for at least one hour, preferably over night. 

- Mix your tonal powder lightener (aka bleach) with your creme developer in a non-metallic container. According to the directions, you use the entire packet of bleach with 2 oz of developer. This went so far for me, next time I'll only use half. 

- Apply to hair, wrap in foil and let process. I left mine in for 1 hour. 
-Also, I should mention that I primarily did just the ends of my hair. I wasn't ready to fully commit to all of that plus it's easier for me to maintain just the ends (I'm a single mom now ya'll)

- Wash with shampoo, you don't have to get all the coconut oil out just yet so don't worry about that. 

(this ^^ is what it looked like after one bleaching) ((also, excuse my armpit hair. I've been lazy))
- Mix your toner with developer. I used half of the toner bottle (1/2 oz) with 1 oz of creme developer. This was the perfect amount! Apply to hair, wrap in foil and let process. I left mine on for 30 minutes. 
- Wash all of hair. At this point I just took a shower and made really sure to shampoo all the coconut oil out. I washed my hair at least twice. 

- Let hair dry. I let mine air dry about half way and then got anxious and blow dried the rest of the way. 
- On your dry hair, apply the manic panic purple. I applied it to my whole head minus the roots. Then I put on my plastic cap and let it sit for one hour. 

- Rinse and enjoy!! 

Inspiration & Resources:  -Purple Hair Inspiration -Coconut Oil Hair Bleaching -My Latest Obsession // Dip Dying Hair Blonde -My Latest Obsession // Dying Hair from Brown to Red -DIY Purple Ombre Hair -Manic Panic: Purple Haze DIY Tutorial

Lately //

 Gosh, I don't even know where to start. There have been so many new things happening and things changing in the last couple of months.  I can not even believe it is September already. But here we are! 
Life status update: I feel really, really good. Things (mostly) have been going really well for me and sometimes everything happens super fast and all at once and it can be kind of overwhelming (and stressful) but I love all of it. And I'm so grateful for all of the amazing opportunities in my life right now. But sometimes it's nice to just have a day off (like today) to just soak in it all. I'm usually on the go 100% of the time, always keeping busy, always doing something. So when I get an entire day all to myself, to do whatever I want with no pressure? It's pretty awesome.
Anyways, here are a few cool things in my life. Things I'm happy about. 

- We got a new kitty!!! There was a stray cat that had a littler of kittens at the tiny home and we rescued one before they sent the rest to a shelter. She doesn't have a name yet... we're still undecided. But we love having another little critter running around to keep us company. 
- Eliza started school. Just look at her! She's in first grade now and going to the elementary school that I went to as a kid! Crazy. She's adapted so well and I think she's doing wonderfully. 
- I did a 50 mile bike ride with almost 0 training and I'm pretty proud that I didn't die. I wasn't even sore! I guess I underestimate myself. 

- I'm on a homemade sushi kick. And it is quite possibly the best thing ever 

((some Sam Wish stuffz))

- I taught my first class, a DIY Bath Soak Workshop and it was incredible! I had such a great time and the group was so, so, so fun. It was so cool to be able to share my craft and love of making with others. I may even like doing these more than events!!! Seriously though, I can't wait to do another  - I've all the sudden got a ton of wholesale orders coming in (like 5)!! Which is awesome! I guess now is the time for that.  - Plus I just dropped off a ton of goodies at a consignment store in downtown Houston  - I'm working on a collaboration with one of my favorite, fellow lady entrepreneurs (more on that later!)  - I won an award from the National Association of Community College Entrepreneurs  - My professor also asked me to guest speak at his class again. I feel so pro?  - Starting to book up shows for the fall!! I love the holiday season - I've been working on a few new products that are making me pretty excited!! Hopefully I'll have those out by the holidays
((and other random life thingz)) - Things with Brandon have been going pretty good. So, so thankful it is getting easier  - I went on a massive work/road trip. Which I will be posting pics of soon.  - Getting the hang of this new life. School helps a lot with making our days more routine.  - I think I'm going to start the bbg over. Time to get back to my regular workout routine!  - Did I mention that I got a new car? It was a while back but soooooo happy to have a vehicle now. She's so shiny and pretty!  - The weather is cooling down, fall is just around the corner!  - Oh and there is this new boy in my life. If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably seen him. But he's pretty swell (: 

     

Basil on Basil on Basil

Summer is officially over and it's so bittersweet. Isn't it always? Yesterday was Eliza's first day of 1st grade and it's like she never even left! Even though she's at a new school, she seems completely adjusted already. Kids. They're so resilient. 
I'm kind of bummed that I don't get to sleep in any more though, I will definitely miss that. But I do have a good chunk of the weekdays all to myself again! Which means I can work and clean and exercise and just have time to myself without a 6 year old running around! And it also means that we're back to a more regular routine and one of the things I'm most excited about is cooking. Every. Night. I'm so over fast food. And spending money on sub-par meals that only makes me feel terrible. 
I'm ready for some mouth-watering, so-healthy-it's-unbelievable, crazy exciting, and completely satisfying, delicious food!!!! Sometimes I forget how much I love food guys. And then I remember! And then I totally fan girl over all these recipes that I've just pinned to my pinterest board (called yummy-ness, in case you were wondering) and wish I could cook them all at once but I have to remember that I can only eat one meal a night and that I need to be patient because I've got my whole life to make food so it's totally going to be alright and I just need to chill out. 
Anyways. Moving on. 
So we have this garden that has been almost completely taken over by basil. Which is fine by me. Bring on the basil! But the thing is, the usual pesto pasta and pizza get old after a while. So today I went on a hunt for some fresh (and delicious) ideas to use up all this dang basil. These are the top contenders. I'm working my way down the list as we speak. 

Thai Basil Eggplant 
Caprese Panini w/Tomato, Pesto, & Mozzarella
Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms with Ricotta, Pesto, & Grilled Haloumi (which is apparently a cheese? and if anyone knows where I can find this "cheese", I would be forever grateful for your knowledge!)
Pesto Lasagna 
Grilled Vegetable Quesadilla 
Shrimp & Veggie Pesto Pasta 
Pesto Squash Noodles & Spaghetti with Burst Cherry Tomatoes 
One Pan Spring Tuscan Quinoa Bake 
Sweet Corn Zucchini Pie 
One Hour Sun-Dried Tomato Basil & Mozzarella Focaccia
Another that I don't have a picture for but would like to try:  Roasted Red Pepper & Basil Pesto Pasta 
Annnnnd you can check out a few other pesto based recipes I've tried here. 
Oh man. Basil ya'll. 

The Last Of It.

Last night I went back to the tiny home to get the last of my stuff. I didn't have much left. Just some clothes that I managed to fit into one suitcase, a few plants that were almost dead anyways, my crystal collection, some important files, and a few other random tidbits. 
But guys, it was tough. More so than I ever thought it would be. 
Driving through the neighborhood that I once called home was tough. Driving down the familiar streets that I biked almost every single day was tough. Pulling into the gravel driveway in the spot we usually parked our car was tough. Walking through the tall grass up to the door of the house that I built, was tough. Seeing my cat for the first time in what feels like months, was tough. But sitting on the floor, the ones that I installed, looking around at everything I had worked so hard to create and knowing I had to leave it all behind, was the toughest. 
I had a lot more stuff in there than I thought. But the thing is, most of it I couldn't even take with me.
The last months of building the tiny home, I spent a lot of the time working by myself. Most of the cosmetics on the interior, I completed almost single-handedly. So when I walk in and look around, I see the walls that I spent hours on floating and sanding and texturing and painting. I see the cabinets that I built by myself, the concrete counters that I spent so much time perfecting. I see all the shelving that I installed, the table that I build, the ladder that I thought up and brought to life. I see the floors, which came from my mom's house, that I nailed in while listening to Jeff's talk show the few days after he died. I remember spending hours putting up the tile, gifted from my step-dad, in my bathroom while internally dealing with the fact that my best friend was moving across the country and I was absolutely heartbroken about it. I remember trying to put all the gosh darn wood flooring on my ceiling and how much of a pain in the butt it was. And all of the art that we had collected together to make it's home on our walls. I can't take any of that with me. And while I was sitting there, being flooded with all of these memories and feeling the pang in my chest for all of the things I had to leave behind, I was so sad. 
Sadder than I wanted to be. 
But I stayed a bit longer, as I gathered my belongings and slowly walked around looking for anything I might have been forgetting, and then I remembered why I left in the first place. It didn't take long for the feelings of claustrophobia (not the physical kind) and helplessness and this looming sense of despair to creep back into my conscious. The place oozed with it. And maybe it was just me. Maybe it was just an emotional response to a place that I began to resent because of the situation I made it out to be and now I just can't see it as anything else. Maybe it's all just me. But I knew I couldn't get sucked into that again. 
So I left. Again. And I chose to be grateful for all of the beautiful things in my life right now. I absolutely love where I am. There's no turning back now. 
Onward!