Friday, December 4, 2015


What is truth? And is it constant? 
How do you know what's really the truth and what is not? Because it can also change. In an instant. 
I don't know whether people intend to be dishonest. Or whether they have good intentions or bad. But sometimes, people just don't follow through with their word. 
And sometimes that really sucks. Especially when you believed them. And especially when they believed themselves. 
But things don't always turn out they way you expect them to. Or want them too. We all know that. So how do you keep going with all the unknown? With all the uncertainty? When everything you know and hold to be true, could change so quickly. 
But I suppose it's all a matter of perspective. And a matter of how you choose to deal with things once they happen. But there are so many sides to just one story. Sometimes everyone is right and sometimes everyone is completely wrong. But then again, I suppose it's all just a matter of perspective. 
And then, I guess, there's a matter of trust. Even though everything could change, are you still going to choose to trust? And if you do, does that effect the outcome? 
I've been lingering between this weird place. Sometimes I get this feeling in my chest. It's like anxiety and adrenaline and inescapable dread all wrapped up in one, feeling like it's about to explode and take me out from the inside. And I can never tell if it's something I created or if it's something I'm feeling that is going to happen. I mean, it could really be either. It's one of those, "chicken or the egg" things. Most of the time, something bad ends up happening. Or already is happening. So am I predicting the events that are going to unravel themselves or am I manifesting them by continuing to allow myself to feel whatever it is that I'm feeling? Or a little of both? And in any case, what do I even do about it? Could being aware of it and handling it in a more positive way, effect the outcome? Or do I try to let it go or even ignore it before it takes over too much and I let things spin out of control? I guess I just want to know how much of it I'm just creating myself and how much of it I'm feeling from other places. 
I don't know what makes a person good or bad. I really don't believe in bad people. I have this thing where it's almost impossible to see a person as a bad person. Maybe I just haven't really met a bad person? But from my experience, in my own little existence, the characteristics that make people "bad" always come from a place of pain. And because I understand that, I can not see people as bad people. I see them as hurt. And afraid. And misunderstood. I think people mean well, despite their defense mechanisms that make them react certain ways to certain things. They're really only trying to protect themselves, and that's ok. That's how they learned to survive. 
But I think we've come to a day and age where we don't necessarily need those defense mechanisms anymore. I think we can overcome them. If only we can become aware of them and their causes, we can correct them and become a better person. Not just for us though, for the whole world. Because what would the world be like if it wasn't filled with people who chose love instead of fear. It would be a pretty shitty place. 
I got asked tonight, "Why are you such a good person?" 
My response was, "Because someone's gotta be." 
So what's the truth when you notice someone doing something bad? Does that make them a bad person? Even if they keep doing it? 
I don't think so. I don't judge people in that way. I think people need to go through certain things in life to learn where they ought to be. And it is not my place to judge them or tell them which way to go. I can only be the best friend I can be and encourage them to seek their own truth, their own happiness, their own fulfillment. Their truth is not my truth. And my truth is not their truth. 
I respect those people out there searching for what they really want. Because at least they have the courage to step away from their comfort, their security, their "limitations" to search for true happiness. 
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