Thursday, October 1, 2015

Me

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My feet are rough from walking around barefoot all summer. 
My toenails bare plus a few specks a toxin-free polish that are still hanging in there from last month 
My legs are unshaven 90% of the time because really how important is that? 
 I have cellulite on my thighs and tiny stretchmarks on my hips from when they expanded in preparation from childbirth. These are all things I got when I transitioned from child to mother. I am learning to not be ashamed but it's a struggle. 
 I have a (trimmed) bush because I am a woman and being bare makes me feel too naked.
 I will never have a flat stomach because of this pooch on my lower stomach that I've had all my life. My mother always told me it gave me a belly dancer's stomach and when I was little, I used to draw faces on it and do belly rolls to make them dance. She thought it was hilarious. 
 But I have a great ass, mainly because I do a lot of squats. And leg day is my favorite. 
My boobs aren't as perky as they used to be, I nursed a little one for 2 years. And they never will be but I love them just as much.... sometimes. 
 I rarely shave my armpits, except for when I feel like going out. 
My arms are the strongest they have ever been in my life but I still can't do a real push up. 
I have weird tan lines on my arms and legs from cycling in the middle of the day. 
 My nails are long and healthy, maybe too long because I never cut them 
A few of them are also stained slightly yellow from the facemask I've been experimenting with that has turmeric in it. You win some, you lose some. 
 But my hands are soft from working with oils so much, and they love to be held. 
 My skin and hair are healthy and never dry, probably partially due to my lack of bathing but also because I eat so damn well (most of the time).
 My hair is always a wild, wavy mess because that's the way I like it. I never brush it unless I'm about to take a shower. There are some things I never want to tame. 
 My ombre tips teeter between vibrant purple and a coral pink, whatever I'm in the mood for. 
 The freckles on my face reveal how much time I spend in the sun, depending on how dark they get. 
And the pimples on my face declare how stressful my life has been lately or how much crappy food I've been ingesting, it's something I'm working on. 


There's a lot of inner work I need to do but a lot of it reflects and is caused by the love I have for my body. Something I'm constantly learning is that the mind, body, and soul are all so deeply connected. This is why I started my business in the first place, to give honor to the vessels that we were given and to put more effort into caring for them the way we should. To be truly healthy, you need to take care of and respect all three of these aspects. Because when there is a dis-ease in one, it will slowly infect all of the others. 

I have not been taking very good care of myself and it has really, negatively affected my life. I wasn't getting enough sleep, I wasn't eating enough and when I did, it was not nourishing food, I was forcing myself to do things every day that I didn't want to do, everything was stressful, I couldn't find joy in doing anything. I was just trudging on in this horrible state. I started breaking out, I got an infection, my body freaked out every time I ate, I didn't have any energy ever, I was tired and moody all the time. I was just a wreck. And I wanted to blame it on something else, everything else. But in the end, I just had to realize that I was in control. I am the master of my life and I needed to start taking care of myself. And only then would everything else around me, take care of itself. 

Sometimes it's these simple lessons that you have to learn over and over. Life happens and I don't know, you just forget? Or you get lost and somehow your priorities just fly out the window and instead of catching them, you just start fall out too. And you just keep falling, and you get stuck in self pity and this illusion that you're falling and all you can see is your own "certain" doom. 


Until you realize that actually, you can fly too. 


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