Sunday, March 29, 2015

Lately

I feel like I'm constantly trying to get my sh*t together (pardon my French). But I guess that's how life goes. Always, knocking down the old to build the new and improved. Always trying to make things better, and like this guy says "exploiting chaos" to make something progressive and remarkable but tangible and manageable. That's a good thing, right? But it's a lot easier said than done. I guess that's why so many people fail when it comes to business. I came across this speech that was just speaking to me. It came at the perfect time, as I'm building my business (it seems I'm always doing that) and figuring out how it fits into this whole scheme that is my life. I hope you get something out of it too, I think he's got some wonderful ideas: 
This is our first week back from Spring Break. And by Spring Break, I mean Eliza's Spring Break. Brandon and I still had to work during the week but that didn't stop us from enjoying a few extra activities to celebrate. The first weekend, we went to one of the best (and free!) music festivals in Houston. It was a very community centered gathering and I loved every bit of it. There are some really beautiful people in Houston and these events are a great reminder of that. I also got to participate in a market that was pretty successful so two thumbs up for that weekend!

And then this past weekend I had been thinking about going to Austin/San Marcos for SXSW and a friend's birthday and it took me until the very last minute to decide to go for it! And it was so funny, everything just kept working out almost perfectly. The first night, we arrived, somehow found a great parking spot downtown and managed to get into (for free!) a Chance The Rapper show. And I swear, not even a few days before, I had seen a friend's video on Instagram of a Chance show he saw and my thoughts were, "Oh man, I missed Chance The Rapper. What a bummer, I would have loved to see him". And what do you know! The next day, we met up with a few friends and ate a delicious vegan lunch at a place I can't remember the name of now. I posted it on Instagram and another friend contacted me and told me about another free show of a band that I love, OM. We weren't sure we were going to stay until they played because we were due in San Marcos but we did and I ended up getting to the very front, and seriously enjoyed their show. I even saw a guy get punched in the face for almost lighting the stage on fire! Score! So then we made our way to San Marcos, met up with another friend I wanted to see and ate some vegan (I think?) chinese food. It was totally fattening but just what I needed to carry me through the next 24 hours. We went to my friend's birthday party and a few hours in, ran into anoooother friend I had kind of hoped to see but hadn't contacted. So many happy accidents! I should probably not talk about the rest of the night/morning/day (not blog appropriate) but it was beautiful and crazy and perfect. I didn't think I was going to make it home the next day because I had not slept a wink that night but we did. And it took me about 3 days to recover/fix my sleeping schedule! Hahah, I guess I don't bounce back quite as quick as I used to any more. 

Both of them were such great weekends. I am so grateful for everything that just.... happened. It was surprisingly unsurprising if that makes sense? Like I was kind of taken aback but at the same time it was like, of course. Of course all of that happened. It was just the way things were meant to be. I was merely there for the ride. To enjoy and experience. 

I guess that's the way I've been looking at life lately. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my emotions. (Emotions are insanity. Seriously.) But then I take a step back and just appreciate the beauty of it all, all of my experiences, the craziness that is life. I mean, I chose this after all. I'd rather feel everything than nothing. I'd rather be passionate than empty. I would rather live and love fully, with my heart, than force myself to live a life devoid of meaning or joy or hope. And no matter how much I wish I wasn't feeling what I'm feeling, or that I was doing or being something else, this is where I need to be right now. This is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Or feeling. Or being. And that is perfection in itself. Because I can never be anything other than myself. In this moment, everything is exactly where it should be and I guess my struggle is accepting that. I am always striving to improve myself and make my life better. And while I try to be grateful and appreciate where I'm at, I think the missing piece all along was to accept it. I need to accept that it's ok to be where I am while I dream of the future. I can't just keep walking (or running? I think I run) forward without paying attention to where I am, I'll trip and fall on my face or run straight into something without warning! And I've definitely done those a few times. I have been fighting a lot of things in my life lately, but I think the key is just to let them be what they are. And be completely and totally ok with that. Because that's the only way I can move forward from here. That's the only way to truly move on. 

These past two weeks, the universe has been very kind to me. And I appreciate it massively. It's made me realize that my life is so full. Even when I can break it down and obsess over the things that could still use improving, my life is beautiful as it is right now. And I better enjoy it before it's gone, because I will never been here again. I keep hearing about, enjoying the journey, but I never really got it until now. If you don't enjoy the journey, you're just going to be miserable and in the end, the goal probably won't make you happy anyways because you'll always have your sights set on improving, you will never be good enough. But you are good enough. I am good enough! 

Well..... I had intended on keeping that short. But I always have too much to say! AND THAT'S OK. 

But in all seriousness, I have a few more beautiful articles that have been enlightening to read. Annnnnnnd here they are: 
> What Self-Loving People Do Differently 
> What The Divine Feminine Means To Me (this is everything) 

Also, a quote that I read somewhere that struck me: 
Dance with the creator.

And some daily affirmations that seem appropriate right now: 

> I am willing to set myself free. 
> I am in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. 
It’s about being spectacular by just being who you are. 
> I am not failing. I am getting stronger. I am growing. (from a Champion Rock Climber)

Oh and one more video: The Art of Being You 
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