I wrote this a few months ago and while a few things have changed and improved since I first wrote it, a large part of it is still very relevant. So I'm going to go ahead and post it now so that it is not lost forever.
It's funny because sometimes I'll use the phrase "I'm at a crossroads" but in reality aren't we always at a "crossroads"? We make millions of choices everyday that change our lives, either for the better or the worse. Are some decisions more important than others? Perhaps. But I don't think we will ever know.
I feel as if in this point in my life, I am really at a crossroads. School is coming to the end and it's about time for me to enter "the real world". Although I feel like I've been here since Eliza was born, we have also leaned a lot on our parents because of the fact that we were/are still in school and I guess that means we are "trying to make something of our lives".
So we have made this big decision, a no-turning-back-now kind of decision. The only thing is, the route we want to go is not exactly the "ideal" choice. I've kind of always lived a bit differently than standard Americans (I think... well at least in the last few years) but it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to live really differently than others. And although I think it's a great thing, the other people around us sometimes don't get it, don't like it, or choose not to try and understand and even become hostile towards us.
So in here comes the big S word- Support.
All of my life, I've grown up thinking- I will follow my dreams. That money doesn't matter as long as I am happy. Because I have personally seen well-to-do families become absolutely miserable and fall apart. So I assumed that meant that maybe it's more important to follow your heart and do the things you love. Because money and success doesn't always equal happiness. Right? But it seems that now I am trying to actually live that dream, I am being condemned for it. It's so confusing because this is something I was taught and have come to believe and I feel like the very people that tried to instill this kind of thinking into my life are the ones making me feel bad for actually trying to pursue it.
Among support coming from many people, I have also received an abundant lack of support from people that are close to me. While a few have gradually warmed up to our decisions and accepted them, there are a few that are still just so resistant and I can feel it whenever I'm around them. There's just this tension and I want to either a) run away as fast as I can or b) just yell in their face and get the confrontation over with! But I'm afraid that would cause more problems than solutions so here I am just keeping my mouth shut and going about my merry business. It is puzzling and hurtful at times as I try to justify their attitude to myself and figure out why? Why wouldn't the people I love and that love me, support me in something that is going to make me so happy? I understand their fears and apprehensiveness to something they are unfamiliar with but if they could just take the time to really look at it and try to comprehend what we're doing, they would see and understand. But as my dad always says, "There is no man blinder than those who will not see."
Everyday has been something new and we have been struggling to figure out what is right for us. We have had a lot of doubt being thrown our way and it has been hard to deal with even though we know the happiness that could come from what we want to do. I guess my point is that despite the incredible amount of support and love we have been getting from friends, family, and even strangers, we also receive lots of negative responses and are trying hard not to let them get in the way of our plans. We want to/are doing something pretty spectacular but just like anyone, we have doubts and fears. All the positive support in the world can't combat the negative ones though because those are the ones that eat you from the inside out. And at the end of the day, it's only you that can stop them from destroying you.
With that, I'll leave you with a message that really helped me today.