Thursday, March 21, 2013

A Few Things: Hooked

I'm reading this book about relationships in our generation and how they are different from ones in the past. It's funny how we now look at marriage completely different from how it used to be. In someways it is good. Nowadays we can actually choose our own mate and marry for love. But in some ways, it is bad. Sometimes marriage is seen as the end of the line and something to be dreaded (which is a total shame). People focus more on their careers, fulfilling their "dreams" instead of finding love. But now, in their later years, are coming to realize that all the sudden so much time has passed and they are now aging without someone by their side. I've seen this, I'm sure you've seen this, I think it's a real problem. 

But this is not exactly the point of my post. While reading this book, it made me think of my own love story. How maybe, I would have turned out just like. Yet, miraculously I didn't. Somehow I ended up with a baby and a lover but am still able to fulfill all my dreams. How did that happen? 

During our senior year, Brandon and I were very much in love. However, I think when it came down to it, at the end of the year we would have just left for school and gone our separate ways. 

But the universe had different plans for us. I ended up getting pregnant in the middle of my senior year and we made the decision to keep it. I remember when I told Brandon I was pregnant, we both burst into tears. Not in a "my life is ruined" kind of way but in that moment we kind of decided to be together. Forever. Us against the world. We wept together and in a way, surrendered our souls to each other. I mean that was it, we were in for the long haul. Our whole lives changed in a day, but since that day we've been committed to making it work. And so far, it has.

Sometimes I question whether we are supposed to be together though. Everything in society feels like it's counting on us to fall apart. I mean, how serious could we be? We were so young. Not even out of high school yet. But our love for each other was deep. I loved him like nothing else mattered. I would cry when he had to leave and ache for him when he was gone. Surely, this wasn't any old fling. It was meant to be. I believe things happen for a reason and I believe with all my heart that having a baby, my darling Eliza, was the best decision we ever made. It led us to this path, the one of us being together and not apart. It led me to everything I am today and for that I am so thankful. 

Sometimes I think I knew. I knew I was going to get pregnant. Not that I tried to, I was definitely not trying to. But I have this one very vivid memory of Brandon and I. We were in my bedroom, laying on my bed w/our heads at the bottom, staring up at the ceiling just talking. I remember asking him, "What would happen if I got pregnant?" After a few seconds had passed, he answered, "Well.... we'd take care of it" And because he had lived with and helped raise his niece, I knew he said it with all the truth in his being. He knew the challenges and hardships that we would face (possibly more than I) yet he was in. Wholeheartedly. He loved me and I loved him. Who knew that we would be together forever? I guess the universe? Although in my heart, I think I knew it all along too. He had me hooked.

I don't know how my life came out so good but I am lucky. Extremely lucky. When I would have just been one of those people that go off to college to "fulfill my dreams", I took a leap of faith and put all my trust into someone I love. We took the off-beaten path filled with overgrown trails and mud pits but somehow made it out ok. We had to figure things out on our own and literally forge our own way. 

Sometimes I get discouraged because society says a young mom shouldn't be successful or people that are married or in long term relationships are "doooooooomed". But at the end of the day, I get to cuddle with my beautiful daughter and loving partner and be completely happy. Then I wake up and work my butt off doing something that I absolutely love. 

I don't want to condemn those that like being single or want to focus on their careers. I think that's fine. But I think we should change the way we view relationships. Not condemn those that want to be in a partnership and have little love children. This has been a hard thing for me as a young mother. To have people stare at me as I walk around with my little girl. Or go to party's and tell all the young, single kids "Oh ya, I'm (practically) married and have a kid" and have them think I'm a total looser lame-o. But this book has helped me to see that I shouldn't have to feel bad about all that. I am very fortunate. I am extremely happy. And for all those occasions when I start to doubt myself, I just need to hold my ground. Because I can be right too. 

With my soul-mate, our love child, and our dreams.

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