Thursday, June 7, 2012

A Few Things: Change


This is another thing I think about a lot. Change. Something I've been longing for. I don't know why but I am beginning to just completely resent where we live. (I'm sure you guys have heard me talk about it before). I try to like it, I really do. But it seems like every time I try, something bad happens and then I just end up longing to be somewhere else. And it's not necessarily Houston that is so bad, it's mostly the little part we live in (stuck in). It just makes me feel completely uninspired. There's not culture here, it's all very conservative and just different from what I want/am looking for in a community. I want to be around people I feel have common interests with. I want to live somewhere that inspires me and around people that inspire me. I want to surround myself with creative people, people that want to make me create... or just people at all! I haven't really even tried to make friends because I just want to get out of here and honestly just don't care. 

I think part of it is that I want to live somewhere where I will enjoy going outside. And that's definitely not Houston. Where I live is very "polished" and planned. There's no real nature around here and I hate it. I would love to go out and explore somewhere. I would love to have my own backyard to grown things. I would love to take Eliza out and really get to experience how beautiful the earth can be but not here. It's just buildings and concrete. And pollution and litter. And I'm not going to lie, the climate is starting to get on my nerves. I'm ready to live somewhere without humidity and mosquitos! 

I've known this place my whole life. When I graduated high school I didn't have a chance to go off somewhere to college and experience a different place. I'm so over it and just want to move on so bad but I can't. And there's nothing I can do but dream of living somewhere I just want to explore everyday and love it all. But sometimes it's not enough to just dream. And it. Sucks. 

I do love our apartment. But sometimes it's more of a curse than a blessing. I've made it into my little haven and decorated it to make me feel completely home and comfortable and safe. And sometimes I don't ever want to leave. Which is why it's so bad. Because then I just spend all my time inside and that's just not good and not how I want to spend my time or Eliza's time. 

I'm just sick of being here, I just want to move on. I'm ready for CHANGE! Ya know?! 

Going to Las Vegas kind of reminded me of this. I love mountains, I love hills, I love rivers, I love beautiful landscapes. I want to be somewhere beautiful. Houston is my hometown and I will always have a special place in my heart for it but I'm just ready to move on. I feel like I've grown so much in the last year and my goals/aspirations have changed so much. I want more than this city can offer. But I can only just wait. And hope. And dream. And save. But being patient is so much easier said than done. 

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In other news, I've got a pop-up show this weekend! If you're going to be in Houston, you should totally stop by. Visit the Facebook page for more info.